It's taken me a while. A while to get used to this world I came back to, from a world so blissful and different and carefree and
unreal.
I haven't had a proper reflection of my time abroad, and this isn't going to be one, but it's a step towards regaining my life from the hands of my anxiety and numbness. And hopefully after that, I'll give time to reflect on that beautiful experience.
I need to write. I realize this numerous times a day, as my thoughts often scroll through my mind, from left to write (see what I did there hehe), in script. I haven't made writing a priority since my time back in the States, and I somewhat attribute that to not being as emotionally charged during my first few weeks back, spending free time catching up with friends, and of course, trying to keep up with school (as I apparently fell behind even before the first day.. what). But today, I just have to many feels.
Today, today, January 26, 2013, marks the start of transition. Today's events were the culmination of 3.5 years of college career/major/life path uncertainty, laced with my lightly-pressuring, but oh-so-well-meaning parents, and resulted in the liberation of my mind from itself. After 3.5 college years, I finally,
finally had the conversations with my parents I should have been having since day 1, to come to a cross-generational, cross-cultural understanding of one another and the idea of "careers" today. I've spoken to
literally hundreds of people about all of this, and my views have changed so many damn times. But today, oh bless, today, the culminating point was when my parents said, with much conviction, that I can do
whatever I want. That I can pursue health
later if I want. That I can go for internships and opportunities that may not lead
directly to a future stable career, but rather will give me the experiences in trying and failing and growing and making mistakes that I've been yearning for. That they
just want my happiness. And they actually meant it. This, as lucky as I am to be having "problems" like this to worry about, was a very fucking liberating day. To realize that my continuous comparison with those around me as well as my parents' (and many family members' and friends') well-intentioned opinions were so linked to my indecision is a breakthrough of epic proportions for me.
I can communicate. I have resources to help give my desires and ideas credibility and understandability to my parents. I know some of the roots to this life-long personality flaw I call chronic indecision. I can tackle it every time it rears its ugly head.
I've been helped by so many generous souls over the years, to get me to [THIS] point. Hey, at least I got here. Now, to move myself forward.
