Note to self

It's been a while. I haven't felt as compelled to write recently, and I don't know if that's because I've been busy travelling and living, or if I'm just becoming complacent and too comfortable here. I hope it's the former, because I have feared the latter since before even coming to England. I do admit to becoming less excited about the every detail in my surroundings as I was at the start of my experience- but this was expected. It's only normal (and healthy, really) to become accustomed and adapted to whatever new environment you call home. But part of me wants the August Sheila to come back with a vengeance, and make the most of the 5 weeks I have left here.

I have 5 weeks left.

That's it.

If that's not the most depressing statement I could hear right now I don't know what is (ok duh obviously I could name a million and a half more terrible statements, but work with me guilty Conscience).

I think I fear complacency so much so because I've gotten over the halfway mark in my England experience without even realizing it. Granted so much happened in the first 6 weeks that so much can still happen- but I feel like the impending deadline is causing me to retreat a little from my typical bright-eyed, enthusiastic, willing self. And that would be such a shame. I need to consciously make an effort to continue building the relationships I've started here, and hopefully be more willing to start new ones. I can't give up so soon, that would be so much wasted time here.

I think this feeling of complacency also sprung up from talking with a couple girls from back home who are also studying abroad in the UK, as well as talking to a friend here at Kent. I eagerly listen[ed] to their tales and experiences, and somehow that led me to feeling worse about my wonderful experience. It's as if they highlight the things my experience has been lacking, as if I should be doing more of this or more of that. It's a terrible funk my brain gets into, especially because I've given my all (pretty much) to my time here so far. I've met incredible people, gone on ridiculously awesome trips, have had so much fun at society events and socials, and spontaneously meet and talk to people who brighten up and change my day. And simply being here, walking around, breathing- that gives my experience worth.

So, note to self: stop comparing yourself to others. If you are inspired by others in some way, then great. But if you are going to demean or undermine yourself because of your perspective of what you think someone else is experiencing, then just slap yourself in the face and give yourself a hug. Because you are worthy of happiness, and you've been working damn hard to attain it.