Stop being so damn lovely, Canterbury.

Canterbury Food and Drink Festival 2012: One big adorable Kent local grown and local businesses festival with so much sunshine and happy cute smiley ness that made me love Kent even more. I want to show my family. I want to be here more. I want to have ties here. I like it I like it I like it.

There's really never a dull moment here. There's always somewhere to explore, somewhere to take a bus to, some new food to try, and of course lovely people to hang out with. And though I've learned that I am indeed an extroverted person, I am learning that I can adventure on my own, and be just fine. I do, however, leech onto the concept of having a community of people I can reach out to when I need, and be there for them when they need. I've found one here at Kent, and am continuing to "top it up," and for that I am so thankful. Humans need social interaction and social stability, and I am so very human.

On my speedy little shopping trip in town today after the festival (where I proceeded to buy groceries I probably could live without, and hence SAVE MONEY), I noticed so many happy, silly couples strolling around the so English brick lanes. As much as I like to say to myself that I'm happy being single (which I am, really I am), I can't help but wish I could just find a guy that's right for me. And soon. I'm getting a bit impatient over here! But not. But sort of. But not.

However... it would definitely be a TERRIBLE idea to find someone in England, for all the obvious reasons. Damnit.

Too many parentheses.

Today became everything I ever hoped to experience while studying in England, despite my fervent efforts to  have no expectations about coming abroad.

I finally had all of my modules, and somewhat surprisingly, my favorite one for now is my comparative literature course. We're studying childhood and adolescence in modern fiction, and I get to present Pinocchio  this Friday with a boy from Luxembourg. Pretty sick. I guess psychology is just taking over a bit too much, and it's so refreshing to get to read novels again and analyze literature (and not scientific literature!)

The night started off open ended, me returning home from lectures and the library, starving and ready for some dinner. Right then, my friend Tammie from the Tea Society, invited me to dinner with her, Cara, and some of their friends at the Thai Corner (which the 3 of us had been meaning to try together soon) and then drinks out afterwards. So I jumped on that opportunity, and just got back, at 4 a.m. I hung out at their apartment, met their housemates, boyfriends, friend from London, went to Thai Corner an had a $30 meal (holy shit...), went to Bramley's Bar (super English pub vibe, lots of hip people but of all ages, had delicious cider..my new favorite drink on tap), walked to ASDA and got shit tons of English snack favorites (e.g hot cross buns, monster munch in pickled onion flavor, wine jelly candy things), then went back to their apartment for music and drinking games (though I skipped out on the more drinking because I'd been lightheaded for a few hours and thus felt tipsy enough!).

I love being around people from around the world, and especially when I'm the only American. I connected with Tammie and Cara on different levels tonight, spoke about being multicultural with Tammie, and spoke about health and careers with Cara. We are so similar despite growing up thousands of miles apart, but of course there is still plenty we can learn from one another.

Both Tammie and Cara are planning to visit the US after they graduate, and I am so happy to be able to be their American friend that they can visit, just like they've been my helpful British friends. So cheesy, but I love all this friendship across borders stuff :)

3 months

I've been "settling" in here at Kent quite nicely. I'm, again, literally reliving freshman year. Along with that I've also gone to 20348023840293 "taster sessions" to try out different clubs and societies I may want to join, e.g. Salsa Dancing Society, Belly Dancing Society, Music Society, Archery Club, Mountaineering Club, Psychology Society, Tea Society, etc. Literally. I have gone to all of these meetings so far, and have met a myriad of eclectic students. I'm much more carefree and confident than I was my freshman year- much more likely to strike up conversation with new people, more willing to ask questions, and definitely more willing to embarrass myself. I know this partly has to do with all the experiences I've had at UCLA and how much I grew, but it may also have to do with the looming thought in the back of my head: the fact that I'll be gone in 3 months.

This amount of time seemed so long back in the application stage. Everyone made such a fuss about me being gone for a whole term, rather than just a short term travel study program in the summer. Though this inching deadline may inadvertently lead me to be more open and "down to get down" at all times, it's also a terrible, terrible curse. Every friendship, relationship, club membership, etc, is tainted with the fact that I will be gone before Christmas, and all of these people and things will continue their lives at Kent. I am indeed part of a minority, even compared to my international friends (95% are staying for a whole year).

Well, aside from the whole "YOLO" mentality, I need to remind myself that relationships can last even beyond physical presence. I hope I can give my new friends a new American friend that they can call anytime they decide to visit the States, and of course California. I will continue these friendships by being a link to another world for them, and they me. Or at least I hope. It's only the 2nd week here, so who knows what may happen, but for now, this is my mindset. It's a rather bright one, unlike the weather!

Backwards

I am no longer an observer of my own life.

I feel free.

I take that back. Sort of.

My last post was a bit self righteous, though it touched on my worries a bit. It's now the morning after that last post, and to be honest I've had butterflies waking up here every morning so far. They go away shortly thereafter, but in the first few moments when I wake up in my single, when all is still, and the majority of my village is still recovering from last night's craziness, I find that I feel homesick and alone. I don't have roommates in my bedroom, I don't yet have a certain group of friends I know I can trust or rely on. It's just me and the people I've met so far, but even still they may move on to new friends or people, and I'm really left to myself. I do like the students living in my house with me, but they'll all be here for at least a year, so I'm worried they won't want to by my friend for long. I'm also having a hard time taking advantage of the sleeping time I have here. So far there's been so much time to sleep, yet I wake up with far too many thoughts in my head and the desire to go to the bathroom right away (lol).

These are all normal, expected worries. It seems as though writing them out does help me a bit, but at the same time I feel guilty for "blogging" (even though no one has a link to my blog lol), because I don't want it to seem as though I'm doing this merely for recording purposes or sharing purposes. I'm not, it just really helps me to write out my thoughts, because thoughts and observations come into my head so often and I feel like I should write them out or else they get trapped in my head and make the butterflies in my stomach come back and fight to get out.


Ok. All is well. Breathe. Go outside and exercise. Walk to Canterbury. Hit up a friend you just met and go with them. All is well.

For this I am thankful

I'm currently in a state where two autumns ago, or even one year ago in autumn, my body would suddenly welcome anxiety and panic attacks. One or two autumns ago, I wouldn't have been ready to study abroad. I wouldn't have been comfortable enough with myself. I wouldn't have had the confidence in knowing that I can succeed in difficult classes. I wouldn't have had so much experience with drinking and going out, and thus would go a little too hard here.

I needed experience to have this experience that I'm having now. I needed to grow at my home uni in order to appreciate this one without my anxiety taking its merciless toll on my tear ducts, lungs, and mind.

So, right now, while I'm meeting new people every day in a more or less superficial way, and don't know exactly who my close friends will be, and don't know if I'll stay with the Americans (as none of us should), and don't want to miss my chance at meeting great people, my mind is still at peace. It battles the anxious thoughts that slip in. It keeps calm, and carries on.

Tomatoes: Part II

Tonight was the International Dinner (yeah, I'm an international student!? woah woah woah), and I met a ton of goofy, nerdy, smart, spunky, exotic fellow international students coming from Turkey, Jordan, Bangladesh, Kenya, Germany, India, and Kurdistan. Talk about eclectic.

The tomatoes in the first course salad were delicious. I ate them plain for the first time in my life. All is right in the world.

Cheers!

• When you wake up in the morning in pain after starting life in a new country and staying up until 4 am talking about music to a British guy and your French mate and feel like death the next morning, go to the kitchen and eat something. Then take a shower. 
• Waking up to English accents floating outside your window is perplexing and beautiful. 
• Dreaming in an English accent is a bit weird.
• Accidentally letting words slip out of your mouth in an English accent is embarrassing yet so satisfying.
• Take the piss with others and use the word wankers as often as possible. Also, insert cheers anywhere you'd use thank you. 
• It's exciting that I actually know what the previous bullet's content means.
• Cooking a pasta meal for my flatmates spontaneously then sitting out back with our neighbors, drinking, sharing our "sweets," talking, laughing, doing dares, being joined by other friends and random students, talking to Adam for a couple hours about tons of British English words-- spontaneity and freshers' week memories I already cherish.
• I love when all my housemates are gathered in the kitchen and we talk about our worlds-- England, China/Pakistan, Sweden, France/Macedonia, America/Iran. We have so much to learn about each other, yet I already have a fondness for all of them and the eclectic mix we make. 
• The fact that I have written and recorded so little about my experiences thus, as well as taken hardly any photos (which is unlike me), proves how much I value my time here and that I think my memories are strong enough to last me. 

Fresher's Week: A Vignette and List

All it took was a bit of curiosity and confidence to make a group of new British fresher friends, who just happened to be neighbors and ridiculously fun and crazy.

 My American friends and I left the International dinner we had tonight and went to Woody's, our bar in Parkwood, and kept hearing this song sung, which ends in a countdown and someone chugging their drink. Needless to say, I wanted to learn what the hell they were doing, and so I got up and asked them. Turns out you throw a coin in your friend's drink, and since it has the queen's face on it, you have to try and save her in the duration of the song by chugging your drink so she doesn't drown. LOL. hygenic? not in the least. fun? you bet.

These friends, from Thornden 6, invited us back to their place in our court, where we proceeded to drink, as per usual here (or rather, the main tradition they name when someone asks what British culture is like). I met Simon and Sophie, Olga and Claire, and just as fascinated as I am with them, they seem to be with me. The whole being-from-California thing is really advantageous here- it's an immediate ice breaker, and brings on so much conversation.

And now, a list of the most common responses I get from Brits when I say I'm from California:
1. California?! Oh wow! I love it there/want to go there/heard it's amazing.
2. Sorry you have to come to this weather.
3. You go to uni in California? You're living my dream.
4. So, does it actually look like the movies?
5. Is it really as amazing as we think it is?
6. Why the hell did you come to Kent?!

Brown Eyed Girl

I don't know what did it, whether it was a special lighting above every single bathroom I stood by since landing in Europe, or perhaps a change in the water. Perhaps it was the ideas of escapism, of adventure, of growth. All I know is that my eyes have shone a little brighter, the brown a little deeper, since coming here.

Because I can't use the word "really" enough.

I spent another 10 ish days without a cell phone (the last time being UniCamp a month ago). Unlike camp though, this time I walked around Europe as part of the minority, in this phone-lacking club.

I AM SO LIBERATED.

Really.  REALLY. I know it's becoming cliche to say, as people are becoming more aware of the affects of constant communication via the interwebs. But it's studied and focused on for a reason! Having a smartphone has changed my brain. And not having a phone at all for the time being has slowly started to change me back. Back to when I walked around the world with just me, my thoughts, and my interactions with the physical, present world. Not a world where I log in or post or check or scan the page gathering little bits of lives from people I don't really know anymore, never really did, or, frankly, don't care much about.

Now don't get me wrong, my brain is still wired to get much joy from seeing that little red notification flag on my facebook page. But more than anything, my time away from a smartphone and my computer while traveling have given me the pure, uninterrupted freedom to be present. Really be present with the people around me and in observing the subtle similarities and differences between my home and this world across the Atlantic.

Tomatoes

I scratched my last post after getting a paragraph in. It was fake-sounding. It was trying too hard. So instead, tomatoes.

I don't like tomatoes in America. Stuff them deep inside an In-n-Out cheeseburger and we'll get along. But give them to me in a salad where I can actually chew-on and taste the little suckers? Nay.

But give them to me in Firenze, Italia or Giessen, Deutschland, where they come in the form of a love child between a flower and piece of candy, well then hell I'm sold. 

So yes, Europe, you've won over my taste buds with your ability to make a disgusting fruit actually taste good. And no one will be surprised to hear it.

This is not a blog.

I didn't want to create a blog. I love blogs. This isn't a blog. This is somewhere for me to write thoughts so that in the case of a fire, flood, robbery, earthquake, zombie attack, I can have some of my writing saved somewhere, even if my handwritten journals are crushed to smithereens (<--that's actually a word). There are no expectations or rules for this writing space. It is just that, another space to write. Starting it now because there is far too much inspiration and material for me to reflect on as I'm about to start my journey in England and have just finished a week or so travelling Europe. Here's to using an abundance of cliches and cursing at myself for not writing well, but to writing anyways in hopes that someday I'll actually look back and read this and enjoy.